I referred to an article by Andree Seu of World Magazine some time ago. In the article she says, "Delight covers a multitude of parenting shortcomings. You may be too strict or too lenient and still come out all right, if you delight in your children."
All of us will err on one side or another, either being too strict or too lenient. Matt and I struggle, with greater and lesser success at times, against our tendency to be too lenient. I don't want my child to be at the mercy of his passions because I was too lenient, but I also do not want my child to struggle with the complications that can come from an overly strict upbringing. Because we are not infinite, omniscient, and because we are fallen, err we will, the struggle for balance will continue through this life. I trust that the struggle is part of God's will for us as parents and for our children. It is good because He is good and loves us.
A few weeks ago I heard of a friend's child being called spoiled. I admire this friend's consistency and goals for her child, and so I puzzled over why someone would call her child spoiled. Certainly if that child is spoiled, I shudder to think what they would think of my children. This child has a delightful personality that I enjoy. She is confident and happy and quick to engage others. She is not sinless, and she is still very much in the training years, only a toddler. I would not expect perfect performance from anyone in training, and I know her parents take training seriously.
As I puzzled over this reaction to such a child, I wondered if some people think children should only sit quietly in the corner and never disturb their own comfort. I was not like this child with the big personality, considering everyone a friend. I love to see this, because I know the pain of being in a group and shyness causing such discomfort. I think it is a great strength and asset when a person isn't mindful of the risk of rejection and can really serve others with their personalities. I would hate for this little one to be taught that she is not valued, especially among the community of believers God has placed her in.
Jesus opened his arms to the children and rebuked his disciples for trying to keep the children away. It seems to me it would follow that children and their individual personalities ought to be embraced with open arms by the body of Christ on this earth. When one calls a child spoiled because he has not been taught to only speak when spoken to and never disturb the peace and quiet of the adults, he probably would be happier in a community with no children. I think they call them retirement communities. I for one choose the noisy life of a healthy, growing church full of Christians in training, whatever the age.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
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1 comment:
Wonderful!
Doting Grandfather
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