The Church As A Mother

Matthew is preaching through John, and many of the sermons have been dealing with the nature of our communion with one another in the church. At the same time, he just completed a Sunday School series on the sacraments, which of course teach a lot about the nature of our union with one another and our connection with the physical body of believers within our local church. This has led me to contemplation on the church and my own experience growing up within its care.

I began to see many correlations between my experience, the things Matt was teaching on, and the role a mother has in a family. I was a little worried to refer to the Church as mother because it smacked of Roman Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy to my ears. Matt assured me, however, that it is perfectly well within our protestant heritage to refer to God as our Father and the Church as our mother. Emboldened by this confirmation that the correlations were possibly legitimate, I've been trying to work out the analogy for myself.

It is my husband's desire that we share breakfast together every day and immediately after, formally worship God together. But I know that if I do not provide the order, we do not do this. I know that if I just feed the kids as they get up, I grab a bite when I'm hungry and Matt fends for himself, our family devotions don't happen. But if I am faithful to make a good breakfast, set the table, and make sure the kids are sitting down before we call Dad in, we have our devotions. I've heard this described as the wife providing the skeletal structure and the husband the muscle power to the family activities. I know men, married to unbelieving wives, who have a very hard time making it to church. Of course they ought to overcome this, and do their duty, making sure their children are in church. But I have a lot of sympathy for them, too. I find it very empowering that Matt's job is made easier by my faithfulness to duty. I know it is very hard for a man to provide both the structural needs of a family and the muscle power. God did not create man to be alone. While the skeleton of a body is hidden and often only gets attention if something is wrong, the skeleton is absolutely necessary for the body to function as God intended. A man without a wife, or without a functioning wife, will be handicapped in ways a fully equipped man won't be.

So the church, when it is providing the faithful structure for the family of God, provides an indispensable function to the children of God. This of course necessarily implies that the church knows the will of God for the family, making good doctrine (true knowledge of God through His revealed will) necessary. Just as a mother ought to be setting the table with healthful, life-giving food, so the elders and pastor, charged with the setting of the table, ought to take the faithful preaching of the Word, seriously. Isn't this the sign given to us as we partake of the Lord's Supper together? The children are joined in unity as we all partake of the same Bread of Life, the Word, every Sunday. Whether one's church holds to weekly, monthly, or quarterly communion, we are fed together from a common bread every Sunday.

It is within the structure the mother provides that the father's wishes for the education of his children happens. If the father wills for his children to go to a traditional school, the mother must see that the children are awake, clothed and fed before she sends them off to the brick and mortar. If the father wills that the children be schooled at home, it is the mother who must provide the structure for that as well. So, as our Heidelberg teaches us on the fourth commandment, "God wills that the ministry of the Gospel and schools be maintained..." The church's legitimate roll and duty is to provide the structure for God's children to be taught. But she cannot teach anything she wants, she must follow the Father's Word for instruction.

As a child, and even now to a lesser extent, I would run to my mother first for comfort when I was hurt. I see this in my own children. Though Matt loves our children dearly, there is something unique God has instilled in us mothers that makes us especially good at nurture and comfort. Katie and Titus want me when they are hurt. This has been my experience with my mother, the Church. I have found great comfort in the worship service and the fellowship of my brothers and sisters when the world is mean and hateful, or when I am hurting over a difficult circumstance in my life. The greatest comfort and hope is in the promises of my dear heavenly Father, but there is real comfort in the church, too.

At the same time, my response to my mother when I was in rebellion, especially in those pre-teen years when I thought she was naive and didn't know as much as I did about the world, I avoided her company. I longed for the day when I could be out from under her authority and run my house the way I wanted to. So too, this was my reaction to the Church when I was in rebellion against God in the form of rebellion against my husband. Even though my presentation issue was anger at my husband, I found church very unpleasant and I couldn't wait to get out of there on Sundays. I found no joy and comfort in the home the leadership had provided for me.

I am so thankful for both my godly earthly mother and for my spiritual mother. It was within my spiritual mother's home where I felt loved and accepted during those awkward times as a youth when the public school kids, the world outside, thought I was weird and an oddity. It was there that the older women took time to talk to me and counsel me in godliness. It was there the pastor patiently taught me and indulged me as I tried to work out my world view. The analogy could be drawn out in so many ways, but I think you get the point.

God gave us a great gift when He instituted the church. Who am I to say I don't need her? Would I know better than God?

It's In Our Genes

I was at a beautiful, big playground yesterday with Katie and Titus. It had little kid climbing walls, bridges, multiple slides that wound and waved. It had things I'd never seen before, but were remarkably fun. I was twirling Katie on one of these, and a line of little girls soon formed to be next. I stopped Kate's ride so the others could have a turn. Katie wanted to go again, so I directed her to the back of the line. She immediately entered into the discussion the girls were having about how hot they all were. The girl just in front of her became her good friend just like that.

I left Kate in line while I pushed Titus on the swing. I looked up a few minutes later and Katie and the girl were sitting, in the midst of all these fun activities, visiting. They sat there for at least thirty minutes chatting until they finally entered into an imaginative game running around on the bridges.

Isn't this what we still do all grown up? We girls get together to make cards, or scrapbook, or quilt, not because we can't do these things alone, but we need excuses to get together and chat. I'm sure Matt is glad I have girlfriends who help meet the need to talk, because even though I have an unusually verbal husband, not even he could sustain the full burden of my chatting needs.

No Girls Allowed

Did you watch The Little Rascals growing up? Remember the clubhouse that had a large, misspelled sign reading "No Girls Allowed!" Apparently Titus has this strain already. After praying with Titus before bed tonight, Matt turned to me and said, "Titus only prays for boys."
"What? What are you talking about?" I asked.
"He never prays for girls. He only prays 'God bless uncles, God bless Philip, God bless new baby.' He won't pray for girls."

It's Fun To Scare Children

I love to read to the kids. I love to try to draw them into a story by lively reading. I really enjoy it when an author can build tension well, and I can watch as my children tense and then delight in the release of the tension. I guess I can get into the reading too much, though. The other day we were reading Billy Goats Gruff and I attempted to use the harsh voice the author had given to the Ogre. Midway through the interaction of the Billy Goats with the Ogre Katie bursts my bubble by saying, "Mom, use your normal voice. That voice is really creeping me out."

Undaunted, I tried to use a deep gravelly voice described for the evil woman figure in the book we were reading today, and Titus started covering his ears whenever I used the voice. Not too many times and Titus couldn't stand it anymore. With his hands over his ears, he begged me to stop.

It's so hard for me to go back to the normal voice. I'm like my father, I'm afraid, and will do almost anything for the reaction. Somehow it's not quite so much fun to read the parts of bad guys without using the bad guy voice.

Who Needs Parenting Books?

I wrote this post weeks ago and then Andree Seu, an essayist for World Magazine wrote an essay in the September 22nd issue of World that said much of what I was thinking only much, much better. I set this aside at that time, but enough time has passed since her essay that I thought I'd go ahead and post it now.

Years before I had children, a friend who already had one or two told me her husband didn't believe in reading parenting books. He thought they should just follow the Bible. I thought it was an odd thing at the time. I thought it should be more about finding biblical parenting books, but no books at all?

Matt and I read a parenting book together once as a spring board for discussion, but we didn't look to it as a formula for fool-proof parenting. I've dabbled in other books on my own and found helpful advice here and there. But it really has been in the course of learning more about God as a Father and the church as our mother that I have found the most satisfying answers to parenting.

I have been studying Romans lately. In the course of this study and through Matt's patient instruction, I've been developing a fuller picture of God as our Father. Since most of my time and thought necessarily goes into parenting right now, I can't help but see applications everywhere in my daily life.

Paul, in Romans, belabors the idea that the law only energizes sin and drives us away from God when we are under the obligations of the law. Yes, fulfillment of the law will gain us favor with God, but only if we can keep it perfectly. Since none of us ever can keep the law, the law only drives us away from God. Once Paul establishes the hopelessness of looking to the law to free us from the power and guilt of sin, he turns to the gospel. Now we are children, in a perpetual state of pleasing our Father because we partake of all the benefits of Christ. I still sin. I still fall way short of the glory of God, but I am ever under the loving eye of my Father. Now, I can be confident that all things that come into my life are not because God is displeased with me, but because He is pleased with me.

As I was reflecting on this and what this means for me as a parent, I realized that I had this exemplified for me as a child. Sure, my parents lost their tempers, but even at those times, I did not feel banished from their good graces. One of my strongest impressions from childhood was that my dad delighted in me. It seemed to me that he took every opportunity to take us kids with him, even if it was only to the hardware store. He delighted in having us hanging about him in the garage (until he hurt himself, then we scattered) as he worked on cars. He would take us for drives for no other reason than to have an excuse to spend time with us. He showed amazing patience with our endless questions, and entertained us with stories from his own adventure-filled childhood. He delighted in me, giving me a little taste of the delight my heavenly Father has for me. For if my earthly father, being a fallen man, could love me so dearly, how much more must my heavenly Father?

Overall, I felt my parents were pleased with me as a child. I never thought my disobedience would end my parents' delight in me. What was my response to this? Was my response to be flagrant in my disobedience because I couldn't lose my parents' favor? Absolutely not! "Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?" Romans 6:1
Rather, my response is exactly what Paul, and the Heidelberg in its third part on the law, teaches us it will be. In response to this unmerited favor, I wanted to please my parents. I wanted to adopt their values and please them by being their child in deed. My question is this: If the Bible tells us that being under the requirements of the law as a means to favor only increases our anger and rebellion toward God, why would we expect it to have any other effect on our children? Ought we not love our children unconditionally and use the law only as a means of instructing them on how to love us (and really primarily God)? Our children, born into the covenant, baptized with the sign and seal, are assumed saved until they prove otherwise by their own rebellion. I want to treat Katie and Titus with the Gospel.

The child of God can read Psalm 119 with a big Amen in his heart, while, as Paul teaches us in Romans, the unbeliever responds to the revelation of God's perfect nature in the Law with agitation and rebellion. For now, Katie delights in who her Father is, and we rejoice to see it.

So then, when Katie has sinned against me or her brother, my concern ought not to be with punishing her, or obtaining justice, but my concern ought to be primarily her good. I don't want her to be at the mercy of her passions, for that will bring her destruction and pain. Out of love for her, I ought to instruct her in what will bring her happiness and contentment. Matt and I have begun viewing spankings as a later tool to be used with Katie. We begin with instructing her in what the Bible says the end of her behavior is, and that we don't want these bad things to come upon her. When we do spank her, we do not present it as punishment for sin (her sins were punished in the person of Christ, just as mine were), but as our way of helping her remember the instruction she has been given.

The RCUS Did It Before It Was Cool

I'm hearing a lot these days about the Patriarchy movement and the Family Integrated Church movements. People, even some from denominations within the Reformed family, are discovering these revolutionary ideas. I have friends who are making names for themselves touting the crazy ideas that men ought to be heads of their homes, their wives ought to be in submission and parents ought to take responsibility for the education of their children. I am hearing them decry the modern day church's practice of separating children and age groups from one another, with a group for every need: Singles groups, Young Couples groups, Young Couples with Children groups, etc.

While these people are finding excitement in associating with these revolutionary groups, I have been privileged to be in a denomination whose taught these ideas before it was cool. The RCUS has always been a champion of men being loving, sacrificial heads of their homes. The pastors of the RCUS taught me years ago that God intended children to learn to worship God corporately by the example of their parents, and that they were important, legitimate members of the congregation. They taught that the younger people need to be with the older members of the church, and we impoverish our fellowship by removing the elderly to their own separate group. But they didn't make a great show of it. They didn't call themselves part of the XY and Z movement. They simply presented the Biblical doctrines and conformed to them. They have been about the business of shepherding the flock God has given them and striving for faithfulness to the Word.

I'm thankful biblical ideas are getting greater attention. I rejoice that God is opening hearts to see the importance of a more God-centered worship. But the one thing that concerns me in some of these movements is when one defines themselves by their movement instead of by the fellowship of Jesus Christ. The temptation can easily become to judge others Christianity and worthiness of fellowship on whether they practice courtship, or homeschool, etc. Our fellowship can become defined no longer by the cross-centered Table which we share, but our movement.

To give them due honor, I have been a member in two different OPC churches when I lived in communities without RCUS churches, and they too were committed to biblical, God centered worship. I can't speak too highly of the two OPC congregations which nurtured me.

Playing With Dinosaurs

Katie and Titus do their fair share of bickering, but they do have moments when they play like best friends.

Playing