Thou God Seest Me

I was reflecting tonight on the many ideas and thoughts I have as I go about my day, the epiphanies that come as connections are made, and I suspect everyone has a similar life of the mind.  As devoted as Matt is, and as wonderful and patient as my friends are, all these thoughts would tax the energies of anyone, and I can't ask someone to be a constant sounding board for every thought and imagination.  I couldn't do that for someone else as much as I enjoy deep conversations with friends and drawing close through intimate conversations, I only have so much energy.  But I long to be known and to make myself known.  What satisfaction is there to only be known to myself? 

I do have a Person who can fill this felt need to be known, to have someone to pour my thoughts out to.  I have a heavenly Father who, in His infinite nature, never gets exhausted by my thoughts, by my endless musings and struggles to understand so much that is beyond me.  I do not have a sense of being alone.  I very much feel the benevolent presence of my everywhere-present God, and I pour out the minutia of my thoughts to Him.

But the thought of God being gone fills me with dread.  The absence of a benevolent, imminent God would leave an empty void.  No one to care about me enough, no one with the powers to fill the aching needs inside.  Is this why so many are numbing themselves with alcohol, frenetic activity, reality altering drugs, and mindless entertainment?  How would we, so small and insignificant, so vulnerable to the terrible forces around us in this awe-inspiring violent creation get through the day without a God who sees?  How does one face a gaping void with no meaning?

 "And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me..."

Hagar, the poor, despised Egyptian servant girl.